Barack and Michelle Obama are often held up as the ultimate example of a cute and happy couple. They look that much cozier when you compare their marriage to the very frosty one between Donald and Melania Trump. But even outside the world of politics, it’s common for people to point to the union of the Obamas and utter one word: “goals!”
For as strong as their relationship is, though, Barack and Michelle Obama’s marriage is much weirder than you might think. This includes nasty arguments, bizarre personality differences, and some very intense couples therapy. Don’t believe it? Keep reading to discover the weird stuff about Barack and Michelle Obama’s marriage that everyone ignores!
Michelle Obama thought she had to fix Barack
Chances are you’ve heard someone say they plan to “fix” their romantic partner. This is almost never a good idea, of course…rather than trying to change the person you love, it’s better to learn to love that person for who they are. Nonetheless, Michelle Obama didn’t get this memo and had big hopes that couples therapy would ultimately help her fix her husband.
This came to light in Michelle Obama’s book “The Light We Carry: Overcoming in Uncertain Times.” She discussed the seeming inequity in their relationship, claiming that “Somebody was always giving way more.” She admitted she hoped to “fix” Barack but eventually realized she simply resented him for doing something she herself needed to do: taking care of herself.
Michelle was particularly irked that Barack found time to hit the gym after they had kids. She later revealed in her Netflix documentary that her solution was to stop trying to fix him but to fix the relationship by focusing more on her own needs. In her words, she knew it was time to “stop being mad at him for going to the gym and let me get to the gym,’ you know?”
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They have a history of nasty arguments
Barack and Michelle Obama have great chemistry and a very easygoing nature with one another, which is a large part of their charm as a couple. That’s why it is so surprising to discover that they have very heated arguments behind closed doors. In fact, Michelle elaborated more on this matter in an episode of her podcast, revealing the surprising root of her nastiest clashes with her husband and how they now handle them.
“Sometimes, we can feel ourselves, just, lawyering ourselves to death,” she said. “We both like to win. I know that we’ve had to learn how to argue differently. Because I hit fast and hard, and then I forget, it’s like, ‘oh, did that cut you deeply?'” She went on to describe how she might forget those cutting remarks when she stops being angry but that they would stay with Barack long afterward.
Speaking of anger, the couple eventually realized the importance of letting each other (especially Michelle) cool down as needed when arguing about something. “Barack wants to talk rationally, and I’m like ‘rational’?” she said. “Don’t come to me with sense — I’m angry! Don’t come to me with your three bullet points — you better get out of here and let me cool down!”
That time when Michelle Obama couldn’t stand her husband
From the outside looking in, it can sometimes be difficult to understand the world of Barack and Michelle Obama…after all, they are obscenely rich and powerful, living privileged lives most of us will never come close to. However, they are human just like everyone else, and their marriage faced some major difficulties that many parents can relate to. Specifically, having kids led to a prolonged period of resentment, something it later took therapy to undo.
In an interview with REVOLT, Michelle was very blunt on the matter: “People think I’m being catty by saying this — it’s like, there were 10 years where I couldn’t stand my husband,” she said. “And guess when it happened? When those kids were little.” She was driven by resentment that they didn’t split responsibilities up 50/50, but eventually realized another blunt truth: “Guess what? Marriage isn’t fifty-fifty — ever.”
This resentment oddly helped bring them closer together because Michelle eventually realized “Bringing two lives together is one of the hardest things to do, but [you have to understand that] it’s a process.” The relationship is only as strong as the amount of work the couple actively puts into it, something she now joyfully preaches to any couples who will listen.
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Michelle Obama admitted she had to sacrifice her dreams for Barack
Barack Obama achieved what only a relative handful of Americans have ever achieved: becoming President of the United States. It was the realization of his wildest dreams, but it also came at a bitter cost. Specifically, Michelle felt like she had to sacrifice many of her own dreams in order to bring her husband’s dream to life.
She discussed some of this in her Netflix documentary, saying, “I knew he was a tsunami coming after me, and if I didn’t get my act together, I would be swept up.” With characteristic bluntness, she continued: “I didn’t want to just be an appendage to his dreams. So that forced me to work and think, and make decisions like leaving law.”
While she was quick to stress that Barack never asked her to give anything up, it was something she felt she needed to do. “Something had to give, and it was my aspirations and dreams.” Ever a realist, Michelle came to the conclusion that life as a wife and a mother wouldn’t always jibe with all of her own goals: “’I can’t do all of this. So I have to tone down my aspirations. I have to dial it back”